take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
