I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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