guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
