So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
