We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
