just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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