So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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