Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
