please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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