I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
