return my video game
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
