thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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