Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
