I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
