his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
