Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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