Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Actions speak louder than pants.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
