We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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