I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
