just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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