that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry my hands just texted you
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
