There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
