I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
