i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
