Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
