Someone shit on the floor
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
