u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Hippo gnu deer
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can I color on your dick again?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
