we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
