forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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