You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
