im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
