rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
