"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
