I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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