Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
