I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
