How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
