your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
