and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
