I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
