Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
