He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
