I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
