I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
