Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I CAN MOONWALK!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
