i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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