i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
