dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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