You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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