she was so not down for the gang bang
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
