Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
