Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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