do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
